how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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