I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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