drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
