If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
