I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
