One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize