if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
