remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
