I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
