WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize