How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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