Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
