I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was CRYING into my vagina
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
