when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
