New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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