Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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