I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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