When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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