You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
