the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
