SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
