ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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