I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
