i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
