The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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