He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
