Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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