First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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