I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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