I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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