all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
