I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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