I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fill condoms, not promises.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
