So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
