none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
