well you can't waste a boner
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
