Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
