he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Vodka?
Forever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
