Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
