So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize