can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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