Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
