This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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