you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
