Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize