Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
