Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
