I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
