i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
foreskin is a definite game changer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
