i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
