So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize