Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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