So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
