I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
