There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
