kristin has been a bad kristin
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
