I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
