I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So here I am, sexting at work.
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