my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
there is glitter all over my balls
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
