Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
