need another drink. this is the easiest way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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