I seem to have left my pride at pride
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
