i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
