twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We're too hungover to prance.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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