U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
