I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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