p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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