im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
