Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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