I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I touched a dick in church today
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
