What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
bring money and cleavage
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
