I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
