Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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