hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
