if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
