We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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