Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just tell him i said nine months
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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