Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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