I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
