When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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