Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
