I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
