I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
