Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
