it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
