dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
