11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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