Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
