she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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