No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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