am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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