I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
