Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pants are for mortals
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
