So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize