we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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