Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
