no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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