the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
