the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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