Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
