on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
