last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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