i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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