If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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