Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
