So drunk its hurt
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
