They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
