just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
