so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize