Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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