I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
