Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was CRYING into my vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
