Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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