i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
