is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
