5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
