I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
