Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
