I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
