There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
